Tracie... My Sweet, Beautiful Angel
My precious cat, Tracie... my sister and my angel... it hurts me so much to say this but she went to Heaven about three weeks ago. Since today would've been her 11th birthday, I'd like to dedicate this post in loving memory of her. Tracie and I were as close as could be, so the fact that she's spending her days with Jesus now is hard for me to come to terms with. I'm adjusting, but I struggled painfully at first. She was so very dear to me, my loyal companion for over a decade. I wanted so badly to keep her here. I didn't want to let go. But in the end, I had to, and it crushed me. It had been years since I grieved this much, and for the first time in a really long time, I felt truly alone. My emotions were all over the place. For a couple of weeks or so, my sleep and appetite suffered. Neither could I write. My brain was numb and my mind was blank. If you've been following my blog, you may have noticed I mentioned in previous posts that Tracie was always near me whenever I sat down to write. Since she left, I've tried a few times to write a post, but I couldn't. Each time I opened my blogging app, I just kept staring at the screen, but nothing happened. And so after a while, I'd just close it. I don't know if anyone understands this, but you could totally love a pet so much that they're practically family, and it excruciatingly rips you apart when you lose them, the same way it would a human family member. If you do understand, thank you. And I think you'll know what I mean when I say that it's never goodbye but rather until we meet again. And that's why I still sometimes speak of Tracie in the present tense. It's true, I do. And no, I'm not crazy. I still experience sudden bouts of sadness sometimes and that's just my way of coping, but I do know that the pain will lessen with the passage of time.
Tracie was a companion to my mum, too, and every evening when I came home from work, she'd fill me in on all the adorable details of what our precious little child did at home during the day. So, so cute. The other weekend, I gathered all the photos I had taken of her over the years (thankfully, there's plenty 🙂) and my mum and I sat down and went through all of them together. Through a lot of sobs and tears, we reminisced and smiled, for Tracie was joy. No, correction... Tracie is joy. Our beloved little bundle of joy.
Tracie... my sweet, beautiful angel... precious, priceless and perfect... this post is especially for you. In your own special way, I know you're still my blogging sidekick. You will always remain in my heart. Always. Happy birthday, baby girl. I love you forever. ❤️🧡💛